Mom's Guide to the Galaxy

Stepping back(ish) in history

Last weekend was our annual excursion to the Bristol Renaissance Faire, just across the border in Wisconsin. As with past visits, we always try to catch something classic and something new. This year, we started the day with a delightful performance titled “How Not To Die”. As we did not in fact die during it, I consider it to be a successful show. Tucked away at the small Military Encampment stage, this was an educational show – with audience participation – about medical knowledge in 1574. Blood and amputations were included.

We then went in search of food, and I realize that I haven’t discussed the food options at Faire before. There is a plethora of period inappropriate (fortunately) food available in an ever-expanding selection. The most traditional options at Bristol are the turkey legs (massive!) and the garlic mushrooms (delicious!), along with a tasty cup of sassafras. We had none of those on this trip. Well, except for the sassafras. There is literally something for everyone – between us, we ate iced creme crepes, shrimp and vegetable tempura, calzone, and some beef jerky. There are specialty coffee stands and an assortment of refreshing cold items – gelato, ice cream in various forms, along with cold beverages of alcoholic and non-alcoholic varieties.

After we ate, we headed to Dirk & Guido’s second show of the day; it’s always a delightful experience. After a bit of shopping, we split into two groups for repeat experiences: Cirque du Sewer and Adam Crack’s Fire Whip show. Cirque du Sewer now features three cats that participate at will (really, at their will… they were not entirely cooperative this time), along with the rats and human stars of the show. Adam Crack taught an audience member to use a whip and let her swing it at his head.

Last weekend was cosplay weekend at Faire, which is why we saw Boba Fett (in a kilt), Ghostbusters, and even a weeping angel. There’s a different theme every weekend, which can be found on the Faire’s Facebook page.

Crime for the Connoisseur

In sorting through Dad’s stuff, we discovered a couple items he had written for a college magazine he helped produce at King’s College in Newcastle, titled The Modern Languages Magazine. This article, titled Crime for the Connoisseur, was published in Vol. 1. No. 1 in Dec. 1946, along with other authors’ works in English, Spanish, French, and German. If I reflexively switch to American spelling, please forgive me; I will try to retain the original, but sometimes my fingers are faster than my brain.

It seems almost incredible that for the last fifty years a vast horde of novelists has been scrubbing away at the detective story, racking its brains in trying to think up new themes, and especially new methods of killing the victim. The trouble is, that hardly any of them since Conan Doyle have realised that a murder is not at all necessary; that it is, in fact, distinctly out of date. After all, the whole of our modern society depends on people doing what is polite, and convenient to others. And it is not at all convenient to cause a major disruption of other people’s lives by entangling them in a murder. Not is it polite to drag the police away from their normal business to investigate murders, and then to allow some unauthorized stranger to dismiss them as blunderers, and solve the case himself.

It is really high time that the murder-manglers woke up to this: murder is quite outdated. What is more, as a theme it is beginning to look sorely bedraggled.

Then there is the problem of the detective. From the professional to the inconspicuous ordinary citizen, from the police to the armchair variety, all have been tried. Somebody has even written a story in which the detective is the murderer; but that required another detective to catch him. But not one of these plot-mincers ever thought of a detective story in which the crime was never discovered, was never even mentioned, and which there was no detective at all. Yes, it exists – in Shakespeare’s “Much Ado about Nothing”.

You are thunderstruck! But I see, you have been brought up in the modern tradition; for the normal reader of detective stories never finds out the criminal by any means other than guesswork. And he does not try – he knows quite well that he is expected not to solve the problem; for the solution will be there, sure enough, in the last chapter. Shakespeare credits you with more intelligence: for in his story it is the public – yes, you and I – who are the detectives. Beware! – he exerts all his genius to lead you astray with a crime that never existed; and he leaves only one clue. Mind you, that one clue is not one of these paltry modern details – stopped clocks, or remains of Turkish cigarettes in the ash-tray – it really gapes at you.

The general plot is that Claudio, a demobbed army officer, is engaged to be married next day to Hero, the local city governor’s daughter. But along comes Don John – a really low type – and takes Claudio at midnight to watch Hero billing and cooing with some other man at her bedroom window. So next morning in church, Claudio breaks off the engagement, and tells Hero why: she shows a decided tendency to swoon (Note this – ‘Tis important!) Meanwhile the stooge hired by Don John to do the midnight wooing act got drunk on his wages, and in telling one of his pals that at the window was not Hero, but her maid, whom he was calling “Hero”, he was overheard by the local Peelers, who arrested him forthwith. And so Don John made himself scarce, and Claudio proceeded to wed Hero. Another troubled romance ended happily.

But you and I, being the intelligent readers whom Shakespeare’s ghost has so long awaited, will immediately ask: if Hero’s maid was love-making at Hero’s bedroom window, where, pray, was Hero all the while? Doing her knitting – at midnight, when she was expected to be in bed? Chatting with one of the maids? – none of the maids came forward next day to admit any conversation with her. Well, then, I regret to say that we must presume she was loitering with a man. You noticed that, when accused in the church next morning, she fainted. This was first taken as proof of her guilt in the affair at the window, later as proof of her innocence. Both were wrong: she fainted because she realised that whoever was at her window – her maid, as it turned out – knew quite well that she was not in bed at that time. A deadly fear chilled her to the marrow: whoever it was might choose to reveal this fact, then the truth would emerge, that she had been dilly-dallying with….

Yes, inspector, I think I know my man: do you?

But I should hate to interfere with your enjoyment of the play by telling you before you read it: that would be most impolite, and not at all convenient.

Thoughts on Snakes and Ladders

On our recent visit to Guatemala, I was tasked with sorting through Dad’s room. I made a dent, but barely touched the books; as a retired librarian, he had an extensive personal library. I did find a couple interesting reads, and started one of them before the return trip – Snakes and Ladders: Glimpses of Modern India, by Gita Mehta. The extent of my knowledge of Indian history is limited to having read The Far Pavilions a couple times; anything beyond that is random bits and pieces that I’ve heard throughout the years.

Snakes and Ladders was published in 1997, so modern in the title does not necessarily reflect current. The book covers significant events and Indian culture from Indian independence in 1947 to what was current day, including the advent of the internet. There were many things that stood out in this book, not the least of which was “…seventy percent of the Indian electorate avails itself of such consolation [of voting the ] at every general election.”

Seventy percent.

The last presidential election in the United States had a 55.5 percent turnout. India, with four times our population, 900 million of them eligible to vote, still manages to engage their voters – according to Wikipedia, their 2019 election had over 67 percent voter turnout. The last time the United States had that high a turnout was the early 1900s.

According to the author, for the 1989 election, there was one booth for every thousand voters, “from the inaccessible mountains of Ladakh on the very borders of Tibet to the farthest desert areas of Rajasthan on the borders of Pakistan to the southern coasts of Karala on the edge of the Indian Ocean.” Reports of voter suppression and disenfranchised voters have filled the news in the last couple U.S. elections. India as a democracy is almost 200 years younger than the United States, with more than triple the number of eligible… perhaps we need to do better?

How? What a fabulous question. While I agree with the concept of a national holiday for election day, there are viable options now that make that a moot point.

Automatic voter registration. Voting is not just a right of citizenship, it’s an obligation. The government collects enough information about each of us already, between taxes, driver’s license, and other official records, that they should be able to handle this without us having to opt in.
Early voting. Illinois has amazing early voting options, which I have availed myself of the last few elections. The option to vote at select locations a month ahead of election day (including some weekend hours) provides flexibility for my work schedule.
Vote by mail. In Illinois, this is primarily used for absentee ballots and people who for health reasons can’t get to the polls, but Oregon, Washington, and Colorado have switched to voting by mail being the standard. To be honest, this is a more economical solution than early voting, with the added bonus of supporting the post office.
Accessibility. There is no good excuse for our government to fumble elections so badly that people wait in line for hours to vote. Voting places should be placed appropriately for all voters, so that they’re accessible and efficient.

Let’s be more like India, making it reasonably easy to avail ourselves of the option to vote in each election. Let us “… enjoy that supreme consolation of freedom – kicking the bums out.” (While keeping the good ones, of course.)

Off the beaten path: Mixco Viejo

There’s a limited selection of Mayan ruins close enough to Antigua, Guatemala to be done as a day trip. (While some travel agencies offer Tikal trips in 1-day, I recommend going for 2… it’s a lot to take in, starting with an hour from the Guatemala City airport, an hour flight to Flores, and an hour to Tikal itself, not to mention wait time at the airport.) We had visited nearby Iximche a few years ago, and determined that Copán in neighboring Honduras was just a little too far for a single day outing. Mixco Viejo, restored to its original Kaqchikel name of Chuwa Nima’Ab’äj in 2013, is not a normal tourist destination – we were only found one travel agency in Antigua that offered visits. Since we had several family members interested in visiting, we hired a van and driver for the day.

The first thing we noticed as we headed to Chuwa Nima’Ab’äj was that San Juan Sacatepéquez, a city we drove through, specializes in furniture. Seriously, the number of billboards advertising furniture was amazing, echoed by the furniture stores as we drove through – the city specializes in wooden furniture. Having discussed it with friends after the trip, it appears to be the best place in the country to shop for quality, yet low-priced, furniture.

As we rode up the windy dirt road to the ruins, we noticed a couple food vendors at the entrance. Being a warmish day, several of us stopped for granizadas, which Google Translate will tell you means hail, but is more accurately shaved ice with flavors added. If you want something salty, request a lime granizada; other fruit flavors are sweet.

Like most tourist sites in Guatemala, there are different prices for locals (including foreign residents) and tourists, encouraging Guatemalans to explore their heritage. We visited on a holiday, so there were a decent number of locals at the site, several of whom hauled in coolers with lunch for their extended families (we were lazy – we left the cooler in the van), and the parking lot was full by the time we left after lunch. There were at most a handful of foreign tourists.

At some points of the day, there are guides available for tours; we didn’t notice one, but I also didn’t look for one. There were vendors inside the ruins as well, selling food, and more importantly on a hot day, cold water and flavored ice. And while a guide would have been nice, there were placards at assorted spots explaining the buildings and their layout within the site. Every placard appears in three languages – Kaqchikel, Spanish, and English.

These ruins are from the PostClassic Maya Civilization, having being founded in the 12th Century AD. The city was still inhabited, and was thought to be the capital of Poqomam Maya civilization when the Spanish invaded in the 1500s. As it turns out, it may have instead been the capital of the Chajoma Maya; there was some confusion when interpreting colonial records. The mountain-top location was highly defensible, so when the Spanish defeated the residents after a month-long siege, they burned the city and relocated the survivors.

The ruins themselves are in great condition for explorers, allowing you to climb a number of buildings, including some seriously steep stairs. There are two different ball courts – smaller than Chichen Itza’s (meant for teams), but larger than Tikal’s (designed for a 1-on-1 game). Depending on your interests, you could easily spend a day wandering through the scenic site. Whether you choose to climb the building or not, expect to walk a decent amount – there’s more to this site than you can see from the entrance. As with all archaeological sites, take nothing but photographs; leave nothing but footprints.

Carving jade in Antigua, Guatemala

In Antigua, Guatemala, there are several jade shops; the oldest are Jade Maya and Casa del Jade. Both offer a selection of jewelry and carvings, as well as history of Mesoamerican jade use. Both guarantee the authenticity of their jade, which refers to jadeite and nephrite; the Chinese word for jade also includes soapstone, which is a softer stone, without a crystalline structure. Jade Maya has several copies of a massive book listing the last century or so of birthdays and the Mayan Nahual, or astrological sign, for each. Nearby flip cards display the symbol associated with each sign, with pertinent information including the animal. (Mine’s an armadillo.) Casa del Jade has a smaller display; both have assorted items engraved with the Nahual symbols. Both stores sell coffee and provide samples.

2-hour workshop every day! What can I create? necklace, bracelet, magnet, keychain. $49/Q392 *ask about our special prices In January, Casa de Jade opened a small section in their shop offering jade carving lessons. The basic two-hour lesson gives participants the opportunity to select a piece of jade from a variety of colors (lavender, black, and light blue are only available in jadeite; the jade found in China is nephrite). A couple pencil scratches later, your stone is ready to shape in a scary-looking saw that uses diamond dust to cut the jade. Our instructor placed her fingers on the running blade – without a problem, as it’s specially designed for rock. When you have the basic shape cut, another machine is used to refine the shape by smoothing the edges and adding curves as desired. (The saw only does straight lines.)

Of the two hour lesson, getting to the refined shape might be twenty to thirty minutes. The next hour or more – black jade being the most difficult – will be spent polishing the stone using a progression of different sandpaper. Every step from the saw through polishing involves water, so we all wore stylish Casa del Jade aprons, and had towels handy for drying our stones (and ourselves).

The first round of polishing was the longest, trying to remove any visible scratches, particularly where cutting may have roughed up the stone a bit. The next three were progressively shorter, and eventually followed by shining the stone with a blend of diamond dust and water against leather. The black jade piece was waxed to make the engraving (coming right afterwards) stand out.

The space holds four participants; three of us wanted engravings on our pieces and spent an extended amount of time drawing our designs on the stones with pens, then erasing bits with a wet wipe until it was perfected. We each opted to have the expert – our instructor – do the actual engraving with an engraving tool. We were the last lesson of the day, so nobody objected when it ran a bit past the two hour mark.

Transition from raw jade pieces (one black, one light blue) to finished stones, the black one with engraving of Black Panther's necklace. The standard choices for the two-hour lesson are a pendant, keychain, bracelet, or magnet. The instructor worked with each participant to determine which stones needed holes and drilled those before the final round of polishing, then threated the pieces with a synthetic plastic at the end. The one magnet in the group was affixed with a mix from two tubes after engraving, with a warning that one of the tubes smelled like fish.

We agreed that it was well worth the experience; the time it took to carve the jade was well spent, and were both happy with the pieces we made. The instructor is fluent in English, so don’t worry if your Spanish isn’t up to understanding instructions.

Sushi… burrito?

A sushi bowl at Poke Burrito We found ourselves looking for lunch in Oak Park recently, having seen a movie (Toy Story 4, stay through the credits) and torn by the varied selection. We had passed a couple sushi places, so another one didn’t surprise me, until I saw the name: Poke Burrito. And under that: “Sushi Bowl – Sushi Burrito”. Suddenly, our choice was made.

The restaurant is small, there’s indoor seating for less than two dozen people, with some outdoor seating to supplement in reasonable weather. The menu is fairly straightforward – you pick one of seven house creations or build your own from the list of ingredients, then decide whether you want it as a bowl or a burrito. If you select a burrito, you then choose between seaweed and soy paper.

As you can see from the photo, I opted for a sushi bowl – Jimmy’s Creation, which features both salmon and tuna (I’m trying to keep my doctor happy by occasionally eating fish), along with other ingredients, on a bed of brown rice. While eating, I mixed small sections together, so I always had a bite of multiple ingredients. (I realize I could have stirred the entire thing before I started, and I may do that next time.) Cassandra chose a sushi burrito, which, as expected, was massive and had trouble staying together.

We enjoyed the food and service, and definitely expect there to be a follow-up visit now that we know that sushi bowls and burritos are a thing.

How does my garden grow (2019 edition)?

Summer is, theoretically, upon us in Chicagoland. It’s somewhat hard to believe given that the high today is 68, but we’re supposed to see 80 again over the weekend. Even though it’s in fits and starts, my garden is growing.

Garden tower with herbs and flowers, rose bush in bloom, star bed with cilantro and chives in the foreground Starting in the front, the small rose bush I transplanted my first summer in the house has finally bloomed. I trimmed it back early spring because it was sticking out into the grass – a spiky hazard for mowing – and that seems to have been exactly what it needed. The mint, chives, and cilantro have returned to the star bed in full force, including the need to weed mint and cilantro out of the other sections and the surrounding mulch. It’s totally worth it on the days I want fresh mint tea or for the cilantro that will undoubtedly be used in salsa and other tasty dishes. I planted basil (again) in one section, and added a parsley plant to another. The center is generally a flower bed, though I haven’t seen any of the sunflowers sprouting yet; the weird weather fluctuations probably aren’t helping them. I decided the garden tower should also be an herb and flower bed, so it has a mix of random pretties and herbs I thought I would cook with, including two kinds of sage, thyme, rosemary, and a purple basil.

Keyhole bed with peas and some squash in the composter, peonies in bloom, and a large catnip plant growing near strawberries The side garden is just strawberries, which are starting to bear fruit, and some catnip that was already there. Yes, the catnip is huge. The keyhole bed is mostly peas, so I added cages for them to climb. There were some squash plants (pumpkin? acorn squash? who knows?) that sprouted in the composter, so I moved those to the back beds. Photos of those beds will come later in the season, I’m sure, as the squash plants sprawl and we hopefully discover what kind of fruit they bear. There’s a bonus photo of peonies, which have bloomed with their pretty pink flowers (every yard around here seems to have a different color of peonies) and are almost done for the season. There may be a family of rabbits living under them; they certainly like spending time there. Additionally, I’m learning which birds eat mulberries, as the mulberry bush is adjacent to the bird feeder. The mulberries are a bit small and underripe for me at this point, but I’ve watched robins eat them straight off the tree. I’m looking forward to a mulberry crumble once they’re larger.

Of course, all of this assumes that any of my tasty treats are left in the garden, between the birds, the squirrels, and the woodchuck that’s digging into my lawn at the moment. From past experience, I know woodchucks will go after peas and corn (though I didn’t plant corn this year), so I’ll have to see what survives the local wildlife.

Brick Safari at Brookfield Zoo

Summer has arrived in Chicagoland, and with it comes a special exhibit at Brookfield Zoo’s – the Brick Safari! Truth be told, there are always special exhibits at Brookfield, more so in the summer when they make good use of their outdoor space. But the Brick Safari features life-size animals made out of Lego, which puts it near and dear to my geeky heart.

Three life-size Lego animals: a giraffe, a pair of parrots on a perch, and a dolphin balancing above the Lego water The seriously geeky Lego fan will not be disappointed with these figures. Not only are they life-size, but information is provided about the statues stating how many bricks were used to build each one, and how much it weighs. Animal lovers will be delighted by the information provided on each of the animals, including where to find them if any reside at Brookfield Zoo.

Some of the figures ask you to guess the weight or number of bricks; some simply tell you, along with the number of hours they took to build. The penguin parents ask you to look for their chicks who are placed further along in the exhibit. For example, the Emperor penguin took 6,900 bricks and 49 hours to build, and weighs 143 pounds; the Rockhopper penguin weighs in at a mere 55 pounds with 3,200 bricks, but took 101 hours to build.

To add to the local fun, The Morton Arboretum also has a Lego exhibit this summer… time to explore!

Thoughts on Underworld

I recently re-watched the 2003 movie Underworld, which features werewolves and vampires in a centuries-old dispute. I recall seeing it before, probably around when it was released, but re-watched it and then the next two movies (which were new to me). I thought Underworld: Rise of the Lycans was the best of the three; I haven’t watched Blood Wars yet. That said, I found that Underworld required… commentary. To be fair, I rated Evolution about the same, but I was already past the commentary stage by then. (There are spoilers.)

The opening fight of Underworld has the main character running in a trench coat, which always seems terribly impractical. I suppose it’s better than running with a trench coat and having a sword hidden in there. Beyond the whole running in a trench coat thing, it bugs me that all they did to define the vampires was attire them as goths… they didn’t look that pale and didn’t seem particularly interested in dining… blood was reserved for combat.

Their combat tactics sucked. Both sides shot like stormtroopers. (And died like redshirts, which, frankly, serves them right for shooting custom-designed bullets like stormtroopers.) The vampires failed to work as cohesive units, paused at really stupid points to stare one direction so somebody could attack them from another, and generally didn’t behave like they’d been fighting these battles as a team for centuries. And who stands around waiting for their opponent to finish transforming into a better fighter? Well, maybe a Paladin… but we’re talking about vampire combatants here, patiently waiting on a shapeshifting werewolf.

The plot twists were pretty obvious in that Craven was, well, craven, and Viktor wasn’t anything resembling a good guy. So really, it was a poorly scripted adventure where the gamemaster had to fudge a few rolls and hand out obvious plot points to make sure the players won. Throw in a few instances of the gamemaster being super descriptive about physical changes, like Viktor waking up, probably because they needed to drag out the game that day because they had prepared the stats for a combat session.

Both vampires and werewolves are supposed to have improved hearing and speed, yet are capable of sneaking up on each other and letting a mere human get away at several points. Either nobody put points into Awareness, or all the players repeatedly botched their rolls.

In other words, it was basically an entertaining movie that would certainly be worthy of an MST3K take on it, or a movie night with friends and drinks.

Papa’s Gift (part 5)

Presidential assassination attempt foiled

BREAKING NEWS: A Gifted assassin is foiled after conjuring a weapon from his tablet. Additional details forthcoming.

When Papa heard that the President was coming to Springfield, he decided we should go see him speak. It was an election year, but the President was at the end of his second term, so his speeches were mostly about how to get through this worldwide event. He still plugged his party, of course, but his main focus was reassuring people that the country would not fall apart.

Well, except for Texas, but they hadn’t actually seceded. Some guy who could cause earthquakes travelled the border between Texas and its neighboring states and split Texas off from the rest of the country. The tabloids, which were a real source of news now, said he had almost finished when a hungry dragon swooped down and stopped him.

Anyways, Papa called up a friend who was organizing local security and got us on the list for a pair of tickets. He sent in our information for the background checks and told me that we’d have great seats. Since it was during summer vacation, we decided to arrive a day early and visit Lincoln’s New Salem, the Lincoln Museum, and Lincoln’s Home. We were pretty wiped out by the time we got to the hotel that night, so we came straight back after dinner and went to sleep.

After breakfast, we walked over to the Convention Center and lined up with the people who had tickets after passing through the first security screening. There were a lot of other people crowding around trying to catch a glimpse of the President when he arrived, but they didn’t need to go through security again.

We were almost to the second checkpoint when I heard a scuffle behind us. As I turned, I saw several security guys hauling away a couple of people from between the two checkpoints. I heard a lady behind me say “All clear,” which is when I realized there was a security person standing right near us. She looked at Papa and smiled. “Good to see you again, Henry.” Papa smiled and waved slightly, then she turned away to watch the President’s car arriving. People started to crowd in to get a better spot, pushing those of us in the line.

As the President stepped out of his car, a guy pushed between Papa and me. He said “Excuse me” in a polite tone as he moved through, but I also heard “You’re blocking my shot,” and that was in an angry voice. I looked up, puzzled because I couldn’t see a camera, but then I realized he was carrying an iPad. ‘Of course,’ I thought, ‘he must be using the iPad’s camera.’ But as I watched, he reached his hand into the tablet.

“Papa!” I yelled, and he turned to look as the guy pulled a pistol out of the iPad’s screen. Papa reacted immediately, moving toward the assassin and shouting “Security! Gun!” I spun to look for Papa’s friend, who I saw pushing through people to get to us, and as I turned back I heard a gunshot. Papa fell to the ground just before his friend and another security guard tackled the guy with the gun.

I rushed over to Papa and saw a lot of blood on the ground around him. Another security guard called for a medic, but Papa looked at me and said, “I’m sorry, Evie, I’d stay if I could.” He grasped my hand as I started to cry, and I shook my head at him, but couldn’t find anything to say. Papa’s friend came and sat on the ground by me as the medic worked to stop the bleeding, but Papa’s eyes glazed over and he stopped looking at me.

Everything around me seemed to slow down at that moment. I saw the medic sit back with a defeated look on his face, and I heard his friend sob beside me, just once.

And then Papa stood up.

Except he didn’t, really. His body stayed on the ground, but a transparent version of Papa stood back up. He knelt down in front of me, reaching out to touch my hair, but his hand passed right through me. “Evie, I’m not ready to leave you.” His friend gasped and I knew I wasn’t the only one seeing him.

Aunt Mary came and picked us up. Papa can’t drive anymore; he has to focus really hard to touch anything. But he can walk through walls, and he can be completely invisible when he wants, so we figure it balances out. He attended his own funeral, when we put his body into the ground by Momma’s, and he stood at my side when the President thanked us for stopping the assassin. Papa tells anybody who will listen that I’m his Gift, and that he’s the luckiest father ever, dead or alive.