The Quest (calendar) continues… part 8

It has been a while since an update. Rest assured, the adventures of Faris Leafwind continue with some amazingly poor dice rolls, and the occasional good one.

Hoping it would lead to more work, I met with Fellmont immediately. He believed all of the weirdness was related to the wizard Godwin’s disappearance and asked me to help investigate. I agreed, of course, with some misgivings over Victor’s previous statement that the wizard was a traitor, a belief his father and Commander Rufus didn’t seem to share.

Fellmont directed me to the wizard’s lab, to see if I could spot any clues he had missed. arriving there, I bumped an experiment on his desk, splashing acid on myself. I tucked away a health potion from the bookshelf, planning to heal the damage later. I slid a book from the shelf and heard a click as a secret door, covered in runes, opened. I was unable to read the runes and the door shocked me. It shocked me again when I tried to bypass the magic lock. The door was seriously kicking my butt, I couldn’t even force it open. I paused to drink the health potion I had found, then smashed the door open.

I stared in shock at a cracked dragon egg in the middle of the secret room. I stepped closer to look at it and flames erupted from the ground, singeing my clothes. I chugged my last health potion before moving in when the flames died down. The egg was filled with that shimmering black ooze I had seen at the church. I grabbed a nearby vial and carefully let some drip in without touching it. As I finished, some of it tried to move towards me… ewww.

I also found a locked chest, and luckily, I found the key hanging on the door frame. There were a couple potions and some gold hidden away. I stowed them in my bag, along with a wooden wand with a thread of gold, and returned with the information to Fellmont. Together we shared it with his father, Lord Rowan Fellmont. While dubious, he thought it best to send me questing for Edvarius, Ironfell’s court wizard. I met with Rufus again to negotiate the terms. We agreed to twenty gold on delivery, with four paid in advance for preparations.

Set of mini green RPG dice in a blue dice tray

Seriously, this brief excursion into the wizard’s chamber kicked my butt! That was mainly due to unfortunately low dice rolls. Hopefully those will gradually improve, along with my skills as I level up.

Filk: Little Jedi Boy

According to Wikipedia, “Filk has been defined as folk music, usually with a science fiction or fantasy theme, but this definition is not exact. So-called filkers have been known to write filk songs about a variety of topics, including tangentially related topics such as computers and cats. In addition, while the majority of filk songs are in the folk style, other styles such as blues, calypso, and even rock appear from time to time.”

I actually attended my first filk circle in 1998, the first time I went to DragonCon. And didn’t attend another one – though I did go to some filk concerts – until this past year, which of course were via Zoom. That combined with watching The Mandalorian resulted in this song, Little Jedi Boy, to the tune (not surprisingly) of Little Drummer Boy. You can listen to it here, or sing along with the lyrics (provided as an image and as text):

Little Jedi Boy lyrics with background picture
Come, they told me (pa-rum pum pum pum)
Our finest bounty here (pa-rum pum pum pum)
We’ll pay a beskar crate (pa-rum pum pum pum)
For just this one green child. (pa-rum pum pum pum)
(Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum)
So to capture him (pa-rum pum pum pum) 
When we come.
 
Baby Jedi, (pa-rum pum pum pum)
You are too cute to kill. (pa-rum pum pum pum)
So I’ll just shoot this droid. (pa-rum pum pum pum)
But Jawas stripped my ship. (pa-rum pum pum pum)
(Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum)
Now we’ll quest for them (pa-rum pum pum pum)
For their lunch. 
 
The baby saved me. (pa-rum pum pum pum)
Now the damn Imps have him. (pa-rum pum pum pum)
I changed my mind for him. (pa-rum pum pum pum)
I left the Guild for him. (pa-rum pum pum pum)
(Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum)
Then He smiled at me (pa-rum pum pum pum)
Me and my gun. 

Gardening victories are weird

I recently celebrated our spring weather by having eight yards of mulch dumped on our driveway. It’s the same amount I had delivered in the fall, and I mulched many of the same areas again, added a thicker layer in places to help with weed suppression. Fresh mulch also looks really good, as shown below where the old and new mulch display together. I mulched around the herb garden, though I already have weeds poking through there – that’s because my main weed up front is the mint that refuses to stay contained. (This is standard for mint, the roots spread out.) In the back, in addition to the large mulched area with raised beds, I mulched all around the mulberry bush (shown) and the peonies, as well as between the magnolia trees along the back property line and the hibiscus plants (not shown).

Clockwise from the top left: eight yards of mulch; a combination of old mulch and new around garden beds; new mulch around the star-shaped bed with various herbs and the newly mulched rose bush in the background; new mulch all around the mulberry bush.

Distributing eight yards of mulch in two weeks is certainly a gardening victory, but what jumped out while I was working was that I seem to have killed off the burdock that been popping up amongst the peonies since I bought this house. Burdock is one of those plants that produced annoying sticky seed balls that attach to everything. Apparently it has various edible bits, but I don’t think that makes it worth having in my yard, given how annoying it is. The roots tend to go deep, which makes it difficult to remove.

So I was excited at this little gardening victory: the realization while mulching around the peonies that there wasn’t any burdock. Don’t ask about the burdock by the raspberries… that may be next year’s weird little victory. I hope.

Thoughts on The Velocity of Revolution

This was an interesting read for a couple reasons. I had recently reviewed the last two books of Marshall Ryan Maresca’s ambitious urban fantasy/steampunk series, the Maradaine Saga. The Velocity of Revolution is nothing at all like that, except for being equally brilliant. It has a distinctive setting and unique magic that really makes it stand out. There’s an excerpt available on the author’s website if you want to take a peek. This review was originally published in the February 1, 2021 issue of Booklist.

Marshall Ryan Maresca engages in another round of delightful worldbuilding in this standalone fantasy novel, The Velocity of Revolution. Magic is generated from the land: a combination of mushrooms, creating a psychic link between people who consume them, and speed, generated by their vehicles. Ziaparr is a conquered city, paying debts incurred in the previous war and providing resources for the current one. Forced into a strict caste system based on foreign or native descent, the lower castes are rebelling against the foreign impositions and rediscovering their heritage with the now-illegal mushrooms. Nália Enapi, a skilled rider, is on her first mission, learning the connection between mushrooms and her cycle’s speed, when she is captured by civil patrol officer Wenthi Tungét. The government uses mushrooms to connect their minds, setting Wenthi on an infiltration mission with access to Nália’s imprisoned mind allowing him to fit into both the rebellion and a lower caste. Coupled with Nália’s ever-strengthening presence in his mind and revelations of reality for the lower castes, Wenthi is torn between justice and duty. 

This innovative setting, coupled with unexpected and delightful twists, make this a must read novel for fantasy readers. 

Spring arrives gradually

In autumn, it’s easier to tell when to stop gardening: the first hard frost kills off many of the summer plants, and gardeners scramble to pick the last fruits before the frost damages them. Spring timing is a bit tougher… it warms up, cools down, warms up… essentially the reverse of the fall. Gardeners eagerly check the forecast to see if seedlings can be moved outdoors and late spring planting can start.

Lots of strawberry flowers

Early spring seeds are already in the ground. Peas, radishes, potatoes, and salad greens have already emerged, the lilacs and strawberries have flowered, and volunteer tomatoes are popping up in odd places. But those the pepper seedlings are getting a bit large for their starter pods, and I really want to get the okra and squash seeds started outside. (While squash can be started inside, I generally only start plants insides that are supposed to start before our last frost date.)

The general rule around here for the squash family is to start after Mother’s Day, except Mother’s Day was early this year, and we’ve had frost on the ground almost every morning since then. Until today, that is, and the forecast for the week is looking promising.

The Quest (calendar) continues… part 7

Continuing from part 6, Faris is still at a deserted church, hoping the large spiders were the worst thing she’d have to deal with.

I explored further, finding the door to a crypt and a collection of statues. Recognizing the flame from the book on the altar, I selected that one and set it on the pressure plate below them, which opened the door. I tried to be careful in the cold, dark hallway, but I felt the floor shift under me as I triggered a trap. I drove through the tunnel as an arrow grazed me, several others thwapping through where I had been moments before.

I crept carefully into the next room, then made the mistake of picking up a magical cup. I shoved it in my pack quickly, before it could drain any of my energy. I opened a pair of tombs in the next chamber, hoping for gold, and was attacked by two skeletons. The next room was blissfully free of surprise, a mere hallway with statues.

Finally, at the end of the maze of rooms and corridors, I reached the tombs, apparently of West Haven’s founders. There was more black ooze, like I had seen on the bell, and one of the tombs was slightly open. I paused to drink another healing potion, knowing the route out could be just as dangerous as the route in had been.

That was a fortunate choice. As I turned to leave, the tombs slid open and four black-slime encased figures clambered out. I destroyed two of them easily, but the others got close enough to claw and bite me. It’s awfully strange when a skeleton bites, you can see all the teeth clearly as they latch on. With all of them dead – again – I checked their corpses, finding a beautiful broach. As I was about to leave, I noticed a glowing ring on one of the corpses. I cleaned off the slime and slid it onto my finger for safekeeping.

There were noises coming from the hallway: shuffling feet, clanging weapons, and incoherent groaning. It sounded like more than I could handle on my own, so I booked it out of the crypt, slamming the door behind me, and kept going until I was outside. Having spent the entire night in the church, I booked myself a bed at the inn again to catch up on sleep.

After some rest, I reported back to Rufus on the dangers inside the church. He decided to send in some knights and a cleric, and paid me the agreed-upon amount for the job and the one person I had rescued. He also let me know that Victor Fellmont wanted to meet with me.

Rejecting a book

I’ve been reviewing science fiction and fantasy books for almost five years now (wow!), and of almost a hundred books that I’ve reviewed, I’ve only rejected two. (The third one doesn’t count because it was Biblical fiction miscategorized as science fiction… probably because of the dinosaurs.) I’m not going to name the books here… they didn’t appeal to me, but I understand that they may appeal to other readers whose tastes differ from mine. But because I’m writing the reviews for somebody else, I end up explaining why I’m not recommending them.

I described the first book I rejected to a co-worker shortly after starting it: “To be honest, I’m not terribly impressed with the book… it seems single-threaded, after reading a series where there are several point of view characters and little to no predictability. Somebody once described John Grisham’s books to me as “written to be movies” for that same reason – a single plotline and one person telling it. If I have to guess, the main character will accomplish her mission, losing some of her team along the way, and live happily ever after. But I’m less than a quarter of the way into it, so that’s only a guess.”

My guess was fairly accurate, and I later apologized to a friend who read the book.

The explanation for the second book I rejected was almost triple the length of my reviews, but it provides too many identifying details about the book to share here. The plot, like the previous reject, felt predictable and cliché (is that redundant?) in what should have been a fabulous premise. I was actually excited by the blurb, and increasingly disappointed as I waded through the book.

We all encounter duds from time to time, so I consider myself lucky given how few review books have turned out to be something outside my reading range.

Is this a turning point?

On April 20, 2021, the police offer who murdered George Floyd was found guilty by a jury on all three charges. This was unquestionably the verdict that the United States needed given the viral video of the murder, the protests that followed, and the solid case that the prosecution presented. This was reinforced by President Biden immediately calling the family, then delivering a speech about the verdict, calling to purge systemic racism from our country.

Do not mistake this for justice.

Justice would have been George Floyd’s appearance in court for allegedly passing a counterfeit twenty dollar bill. And even that’s questionable, since it’s only illegal if there is criminal intent. (I don’t recall ever reading whether it was determined to be a real or counterfeit bill.) If I unknowingly receive and then spend a counterfeit bill, I’m as much a victim of the counterfeiters as whoever I’m trying to hand it off to. And, as a middle-aged white woman, the odds are against someone calling the police over it; they’d probably return the bill and tell me to get it checked at the bank, then ask for a different payment option.

In two months, we’ll learn if the sentencing matches the crime, and in August, the police officers who stood by and let the murder happen will be tried. By then, we may know if this really is a turning point, as Congress debates reforming the system.

It comes too late for many, including a teenage girl in Ohio, Ma’Khia Bryant, who was shot by police shortly before the verdict was announced.

If this is going to be a turning point – and I sincerely hope it is – then more police officers must realize what those who testified for the prosecution presumably already know: you cannot serve and protect while also perpetuating injustice.

The Quest (calendar) continues… part 6

The adventure continues in the city of West Haven, where as Faris seeks employment after spending most of her hard-earned coin in part 5.

The next morning, I sought out Rufus regarding the job opportunity he had mentioned. He provided some background information, including those giant rats I had encountered, and sent me to investigate a shut-down church. My goal was to finds its missing clergy, with a reward of five gold for each, and five for the task itself. He refused to give me an advance on the payment.

I decided to seek some help for this job, visiting a local guild hall to see if anybody with suitable skills was available. Perhaps if I had continued gambling, I could have afforded one of those fine companions. Instead I continued on my own, approaching the church at dusk. I tried picking a lock to get in, but again, it’s not on of my strong points, so I smashed down the door instead.

The place was creepy – poorly lit and cold, and something brushed my leg soon after entering. I reached for a weapon and realized I was stuck in a large spider web. I tried to untangle myself, then tried wrenching free, and finally just grabbed a torch and burned the webbing.

I hoped all of this webbing was from one spider, but immediately noticed three as they swarmed me. I killed two, and the third scrambled away after biting me. Even the stairs were covered in webbing, and there was a dead half-elf stuck to the stairwell wall in a web sack. There were more sacks upstairs, I cut them all down, hoping to find someone still alive. Most had desiccated corpses, except for one dwarf who was so weak, I had to carry him outside. I stomped all over the spider eggs I found in another sack.

Stomping disturbed another batch of spiders, they seemed to come in threes. I shot two before they got close, but the third one bit me. I climbed up to the bell tower, which seemed to have no spiders, despite an abundance of webs and another desiccated corpse. The bell was coated in black slime that shimmered in the moonlight. Another massive spider crawled out of the bell. I shot it multiple times, evading its attacks, but it kept coming and blocked the stairwell. With no other option, I climbed out the window onto the roof. Well, jumped a bit, fell a bit… the drop was farther than I expected, and a little on the painful side.

And the spider followed me out! It smashed me with those massive legs and bit me, but I managed to kill the beast. With the beast dead, I climbed back into the church, hoping to find some survivors. I found a worship room with a small altar and offering table, with rotting food except for an apple I tucked away, along with a bottle of aged wine, and a healing potion I quaffed immediately. I also noticed a large religious tome, with the church’s symbol on it.

Penny’s Cosplay

Near the end of February, I completed one of my goals for the year: submit at least two short stories to competitions or for publication. Around the same time I submitted one short story to a competition, I signed up to receive weekly creative writing prompts from Reedsy. I was considering using one of their prompts (“Write about an android just trying to blend in with their human companions.”) and submitting the resulting story to their weekly contest, but hadn’t quite figured out the plot. As I was walking on the treadmill listening to Neil Gaiman’s MasterClass about storytelling, it hit me, and I ended up combining the homework from his class with the story prompt. The assignment was to alter a fairy tale, which Neil Gaiman demonstrated with a lovely explanation of how Snow White was clearly a vampire.

Penny’s Cosplay

The mismatched pair emerged from the passenger side of the taxi simultaneously, with Penny in a flowing pink dress emerging from the back seat to stand next to Adelai’s silver plating, partially obscured in a minimalist maid’s outfit. Adelai bent down so Penny, a full two feet shorter, could attach the maid’s headwear to her shiny head, then placed a sparkling tiara on Penny’s head, securing it in the blue wig. They both already wore their convention badges on lanyards dangling from their necks, ready to attend the country’s largest anime convention. Adelai slowly rotated her head towards the convention hall, stating in monotone “Let’s make this your best day ever, Penny.” 

They had barely made it inside the door when someone squealed and ran up to Penny gushing. “You are the perfect Princess Mayerte! And your android, ohmygoodness, is perfect as the maid slash bodyguard! Can I get a photo with you?” 

Penny nodded, and the gushing fan girl handed her phone to a friend for a quick snap. “Thank you so much! Oh, I’m Emmy… what’s your name?” 

Reaching into a pocket of her dress, she pulled out a pink card to show the girl. 

My name is Penny.

I’m mute.

“Oh. Umm… well, your costume is awesome, Penny! I’ll make sure to share my photo on the con’s Discord. Have a great time!” 

A quick swap in her pocket brought out a blue card. 

Thank you!

They moved slowly through the dealer’s hall and artist’s alley, with Adelai always half a step behind Penny, pausing frequently for photo opportunities as their outfits were admired. Shortly before eleven-thirty, they filed into a room with dozens of other Princess Mayertes and other fans to listen to the show’s creator, Miyata Yoshike, speak. Penny, being the shortest princess in the room, was given a seat in the front row. Adelai was relegated to standing stiffly along the back wall with the handful of personal androids who were chaperoning their charges or dragged along to carry their shopping. 

When the panel ended, Penny waited patiently for Adelai to rejoin her as the rest of the fans cleared the room. The pair of them caught Yoshike’s eye. “Are you entering the costume contest this evening?” 

Adelai tilted her head inquisitively at Penny. A green card emerged. 

Yes.

Yoshike raised a puzzled eyebrow at the card, then let it slide. “It would be so exciting if two of my characters won the paired category! I’ve never seen such a creative use of a personal android at a convention. I’ll see you there!” 

After Yoshike had left the room, Adelai turned to Penny. “We’ll need to find the masquerade registration.” She set a backpack, matching the maid costume, on the chair next to Penny, pulled out the program book, and flipped to the masquerade page. 

Registering for the masquerade turned out to be a simple process of filling in some basic information: their badge and characters names, the source material their costumes were based on, along with contact details, including real names, in case they won. Penny did not use keyboards often, so Adelai stood patiently while she meticulously typed in each letter, double checking her spelling as she went. 

The afternoon passed quickly as they wandered through the convention. Penny folded origami poorly in the children’s area, then flopped repeatedly onto the available bean bags, ignoring whatever show was on the screen in favor of moving around the room to examine other crafts before flopping again. They hovered in the gaming room for a while, amused by the number of thematically appropriate games that seemed to revolve around food. Ninja Burger looked to be a longer game, so they just watched for a bit until some other kids arrived looking for a faster game. Adelai supervised as Penny played Ramen Fury and Sushi Go with some teenagers. Nobody seemed to mind Penny’s silence, and even cheered when she won the Ramen game. 

Eventually they lined up with other competitors for the masquerade. A full dozen Princess Mayertes assembled for a group photo, and as expected, Penny was the shortest, and Adelai was the only android maid. The other princesses had entered the individual contest, though some of them promised that next year, they’d bring an android too. 

The crowd was enthusiastic about all of the costumes and skits, and cheered wildly for the smallest princess when Penny and Adelai crossed the stage. Penny grinned broadly watching the other cosplayers on and back stage, waving back at anybody who waved at her, presumably having seen her earlier in the day. As the judges tallied the votes, Adelai glanced down at Penny. “Best day ever?” 

The green card came out again, confirming that it was. 

Penny held up a yellow card with confetti pieces colored on it after each award was given, beaming at each person as they returned back stage. A crowd of new friends surrounded her, holding their breaths, when they announced the audience vote for the best paired costumes. 

“We’re delighted to announce the winners of the best paired costumes, Princess Mayerte and her android maid, as presented by Adelai Thompson and her android, P N 0….” The presenter paused briefly. “… C H 0.” He put his hand over the mic, which did little to muffle his next comment. “Is this right? Aren’t personal navigator androids capped at four feet tall?” 

Adelai and Penny were making their way onto the stage, and the audience was already cheering as he said that. Adelai registered recognition on a few faces as they realized what it meant. 

The presenter, still a bit confused, stepped over to meet them with their award as Penny pulled an orange card out. 

May I speak? 

He hesitantly nodded and offered her the microphone. She shook her head, gestured to the screen behind them, and faced the somewhat bewildered audience as her words appeared on the screen. 

My name is Penny, I am a Personal Navigator 0 Charge Hours 0 android assigned to Adelai Thompson. My design does not include a voicebox; I am able to connect with any WiFi enabled device to share necessary information. 

All I wanted was the chance to be a real girl for one day, and today has been the best day of my life. This convention and these amazing people made this possible, and allowed me to understand how a human participates in the world. 

I would remember this day forever, if I could, but my next upgrade includes a memory wipe. I want to thank all of you, and especially Adelai, for this experience.

She turned to Adelai, who had removed both the maid’s headwear and her shiny mask, revealing a normal woman to the audience. Adelai was blinking furiously, clearly trying not to cry, as the audience slowly rose to their feet to give Penny a standing ovation. Penny reached for her hand as they strode off the stage.