Mom's Guide to the Galaxy

Thoughts and prayers are not enough.

The United States is reeling from yet another mass shooting. No, not the one in Buffalo, where a hate-filled racist specifically drove to an African-American neighborhood to kill people. Not the church shooting in Laguna. Those were last week. This week’s mass shooting (yes, that’s a terrible thing to be able to say) was at an elementary school in Uvalde, Texas.

Screenshot from Wikipedia when searching for "mass shootings in"

This country clearly has problems, both with hatred and guns, and they primarily stem from our political system. We have politicians offering up “thoughts and prayers” every time who then refuse to consider legitimate gun control efforts or address the increasing issue of domestic terrorism.

Our churches, our schools, even our grocery stores are not safe. What can I do? What can you do?

First and foremost, vote. If you feel a need to be a single-issue voter, let it be a vote to let the living keep living. After all, our Declaration of Independence listed “life” as the first of our inalienable rights. That means remembering that our 2nd amendment includes the phrase “well regulated Militia,” and letting every person who wants a gun buy one does not constitute “well-regulated.”

I don’t think that’s enough. We can work to change our political system with our votes, but we also need to work against hatred. If you read Heather Cox Richardson’s daily letters (and you should), she recently explained the history of the extreme polarization that we’re seeing between our political parties. Essentially, starting in 1990, certain political leaders worked to deliberately vilify the opposition simply for being members of the opposing party, urging party members to label their opponents in deliberately negative terms – using hashtags before they were even invented. This has been exacerbated by radio and TV talk show hosts who have promoted hatred, not necessarily because they believe it, but because it improves their ratings.

Your Democratic or Republican neighbor is not evil simply because they have different political views than you do. Your neighbor who appears to be Middle Eastern (and saw a rise in racism against them after 9/11), Asian (with a rise in racism during the pandemic), or any other nationality has no more to do with their homeland government’s decisions – assuming they’re not US citizens – as you do with ours, and certainly nothing to do with a virus that has killed millions. The United States has been a country of immigrants since the first Europeans invaded and stole land from the Native Americans, and the portrayal of our country as a place where anybody can prosper (however accurate) will always draw new people.

Like revolutions, the United States as a country was built on hope and on the concept that all ~~men~~ people are created equal. Take the time to meet your neighbors, especially if they look or sound different from you. You can combat hatred by learning to appreciate the differences in people around you.

Thoughts on How Long ‘Til Black Future Month?

Last year, when I had a subscription to MasterClass, I took several classes relating to writing (not surprising, really), including N. K. Jemisin’s class teaching fantasy and science fiction writing. When we stopped at a bookstore on our Florida trip, I stumbled onto her anthology, How Long ‘Til Black Future Month?.

Both in the MasterClass and introduction to her anthology, Jemisin emphasizes how much representation matters. Science fiction and fantasy as genres are historically white, male-dominated, and heteronormative (that’s a link to the definition) and Jemisin managed to offend some parts of fandom by writing characters that didn’t fall into those categories. You can assume at this point that I’m either rubbing two fingers together, playing the world’s smallest violin in mock sympathy for them, or bouncing those same two fingers in front of my eye for a tiny guy jumping up and down shouting “I give a shit.” I have no patience for toxic fandom or gatekeeping.

Frankly, it’s their loss if they choose not to read her work. I thoroughly enjoyed every story in this anthology. Flipping through it, a couple made me smile just glancing at them again. “Red Dirt Witch,” for example, about a witch (duh, it’s in the title) in the civil rights era and her daughter who sees into the future, including a glimpse of a black man in the White House. “The Effluent Engine” has a steampunk feel, with blatant racism and sexism that was unfortunately appropriate in nineteenth century New Orleans, and turns into a queer romance story. “The Evaluators” follows a different writing style of message exchanges and reviewed transcripts as humanity rushes in to doom itself. I could keep going, but really, go find yourself a copy and enjoy a good read.

Florida 2022: places to eat

I’ve discussed culinary tourism before… when traveling, we like to explore new (to us) restaurants. We certainly managed that in Florida! I’ll mostly let the photos talk here.

Key West: The Cafe – we had walked past several restaurants on Duval Street when this charming restaurant on a side street caught our eye.

Miami: Tapas de Rosa – this was a Google find, looking for somewhere to get a nice lunch between Vizcaya and Miami Beach. Being a tapas restaurant, we selected several small dishes to share.

Miami Beach: the quest for restaurants, hidden inside hotels and apartment buildings, led us (with Google’s help) to the delightful Lola Restaurant & Grill. We likely would have eaten there again if it weren’t for the next day’s lunch.

Dinner at Lola Restaurant & Grill in Miami Beach

Coral Gables: Havana Harry’s does not skimp on portions – we ate three or four meals from the leftovers after this lunch! Pictured below are three entrees and one of the plates of side dishes. (Also, arrive early for good parking.)

Lunch (and a couple other meals from leftovers) at Havana Harry's in Coral Gables

Melbourne: Pane e Vino, to my delight, had escargot on the appetizer menu. Yeah, I know, that’s a French dish. I had it anyways.

Kissimmee: Last, but certainly not least, was El Tapatio, a Mexican restaurant recommended (and rightfully so) by our hotel. What’s that greenish drink in the photo, you ask? That was a delicious avocado margarita (not to be confused with a key lime milkshake I had near the Everglades).

Florida 2022: places to go

We had eight days plus an evening, and almost four hundred miles to cover while picking interesting places to visit, ranging from Key West to Orlando. We tried to select a mix of interests, which seems to have resulted in mostly nature and science stops.

Key West: a rooster at sunrise, a butterfly at the Key West Butterfly & Nature Conservatory, a polydactyl cat at the Hemingway House, all set against the background of a rainbow crosswalk

Our Key West stops were a combination of new places and perennial favorites: a sunset cruise, a quick peek into a Wyland Gallery, a snack at Margaritaville, sunrise at the Southernmost Point, visits to The Key West Butterfly and Nature Conservatory and the Hemingway Home & Museum. That was all under 24 hours!

Lego rabbits at Mounts Botanical Garden in West Palm Beach; a colorful lizard of some sort at Vizcaya Museum & Gardens; an orange flower at Mounts Botanical Garden; part of the garden at Vizcaya; artwork outside the Richter Library at the University of Miami; the fountain and new dorms at the University of Miami; sand and ocean at Miami Beach; part of the Rocket Garden at Kennedy Space Center; an alligator by the path at the Everglades National Park

The next few days weren’t quite as hectic. We started most mornings whenever we were ready, including the day we went to the Everglades National Park… that involved getting a tire replaced on our rental car, having picked up a roofing nail the evening before. (In case you hadn’t heard, there’s a bit of a shortage on rental cars; they didn’t have a replacement car available nearby.) We started at the visitor’s center just outside the gate (be sure to ask about the junior ranger activities if you have younger kids), paid our admission at the gate (good for 7 days), then drove all the way in to the Flamingo Lodge. We lucked out and saw a single manatee while exploring around the lodge, then drove back out to the Snake Bight trail for a nice, long walk in the heat. (Largely shaded, but still, hot.) Our final stop in the park was at the Anhinga Trail, which the ranger at the entrance visitor’s center had said was the best chance of seeing wildlife. The alligator by the trail clearly hasn’t read the rules that say people should stay at least 15 feet away from animals.

Our next day involved moving from Florida City to Miami Beach, with a stop at Vizcaya Museum & Gardens on the way. I had visited the gardens once, when they still hosted a renaissance festival in the spring, but had never been inside the house. What struck me about the style of the house, which was built in the early 1900s but designed to look older, was how similar in style it is to Spanish colonial buildings in Guatemala, with an open courtyard and some garden in the center of the house. Of course, it also has extensive gardens beyond the mansion, which most houses in Guatemala don’t have.

We met a friend at the University of Miami, revisiting my old stomping grounds – mainly the library, though we glanced at some of the new buildings as well. (We went off campus for a lovely lunch, which I’ll cover in my next post.) The visit to my high school was similar, rehashing memories with familiar buildings and amazement at some of the new areas of campus. (The motivation for the trip was my high school reunion.)

Then we headed north! On our way to meet up with friends in Palm Bay and Melbourne, we sidetracked to Mounts Botanical Garden in West Palm Beach (compensating for missing the Miami Beach Botanical Garden because Vizcaya and lunch ran later than we expected). By chance, they were having both a plant sale that day (no, we didn’t buy anything, it was all tropical) and a Lego exhibit. From Melbourne, we continued on to Kennedy Space Center, missing a shuttle launch by a couple days and several hours (even I wasn’t up before 4am on vacation), which was delightful and educational. Or delightfully educational? Something like that.

Orlando - Gatorland: warning sign that reads "Plese Be Safe. Do not carry children on your shoulders or stand, sit, or climb on fence railings anywhere in the park. If you fall in THE GATORS WILL EAT YOU! And that might make them sick. Thank you."; some baby alligators including an albino; a collection of young alligators on a boardwalk; a bird perched on the back of an alligator — Orlando – Gatorland: warning sign that reads “Plese Be Safe. Do not carry children on your shoulders or stand, sit, or climb on fence railings anywhere in the park. If you fall in THE GATORS WILL EAT YOU! And that might make them sick. Thank you.”; some baby alligators including an albino; a collection of young alligators on a boardwalk; a bird perched on the back of an alligator

Our final day in Florida was spent in the Orlando area. Instead of visiting the better-known tourist traps, some of which we visited a few years before (pre-blog, sorry), we opted to visit Gatorland. With “over 2,000 American alligators” onsite, the location name is stunningly accurate. Really the only disappointing part was not trying the zipline (yes, over gators) and arriving after they had already picked a “volunteer” to hold a tarantula at the Up-Close Encounters show.

We headed home the next day and were delighted to find out that the cats are all still talking to us. Mostly to say we should feed them, but hey, we’ll take it.

Florida 2022: places to stay

We recently returned from a trip to Florida, which as can be expected in April, was significantly warmer than Chicagoland. It was a busy trip, we stayed in six different cities in nine nights. Every place we stayed was nice enough for us to feel comfortable there, and in a good enough area for us to wander in the neighborhood. In each case, my minimum requirement was space for two people and free parking; where available, I also searched for breakfast included. (Links are through Hotels.com because that’s where I booked through.)

Key West: Wicker Guesthouse – we described this room as “comically small”; as you can almost see from the photo, there was just enough room at each side of the bed for someone to walk. While short on space, this was perfectly located for exploring downtown Key West – on Duval Street, a couple blocks from the Hemingway House. They have two pools, a continental breakfast, and were happy to let us park past checkout time. The hotel emailed a couple days before our trip to see when we expected to arrive, and included information on some of the Key West attractions. Of course, the size of this room became the running joke as we compared other hotel rooms throughout the trip.

Florida City: Quality Inn – this Quality Inn room, including an upgrade from two full to two queen beds, felt huge after the room in Key West. But that’s not why I picked it! Florida City is at the edge of the Everglades National Park, a must-see area of South Florida. We drove up from Key West, unpacked, and bought dinner from the nearby Gator Grill. (Food and attractions will be separate posts.) Every hotel we stayed at had a pool; we didn’t make it into this one. Their breakfast was a “hot” continental, which means a couple warm dishes (eggs, sausage, etc.) and a waffle maker were provided.

Miami Beach: Castle Beach Suites – this section of Miami Beach is strange in that restaurants are buried in buildings (apartments, hotels… or a combination of both). This was a “rental apartment,” with check-in at the building’s security desk, and parking through a consistently backlogged valet service. The apartment itself was nice, but with no information about the surrounding area. We never tried their food – we found a lovely restaurant hidden in the building next door, and went looking for breakfast well before they opened in the morning. We skipped their sizable pool in favor of walking out the back gate to the beach. The first time we retrieved our car from the valet took 15 minutes; the second time had a humongous line and took us almost an hour.

Cocoa Beach: Beachside Hotel & Suites – hands down, this was our favorite hotel of the trip. Our room included a sitting room, kitchenette, and bedroom, with separate doors to the parking lot and patio. Their shallow pool has a lazy river – with tubes provided; the pool bar includes reasonable dinner options; their hot continental breakfast includes a good variety; and the beach is only a block away. After our day’s outing, we unpacked, spent some time in the pool, ate dinner, then spent some more time in the pool.

Orlando: Park Royal Orlando – technically, this hotel is in Kissimmee, but that’s close enough to count as Orlando. We were pretty wiped out by the time we checked in, having spent all day at Gatorland, and just wanted to find food in walking distance before we crashed. The room itself was quite nice, the pool looked lovely, and they even have a tennis court. The lobby staff directed us to a lovely Mexican restaurant for dinner, and we wandered the same direction the next morning to get breakfast at IHop before flying home.

Six cities… five hotels… oh, you noticed that? Yeah, we stayed with a friend one night. No worries, that city will make it onto the food post.

Thoughts on Leave Only Footprints

Behold, a non-fiction book on my reading list! Yes, it’s a rarity. This particular book has been on my wish list since it was released, both because it’s about the US national parks and because the author, Conor Knighton, was on our Galápagos cruise along with Efrain Robles, the video journalist mentioned repeatedly in the book. When we met them, they were working, exploring nature and documenting the (50th? I don’t actually recall) anniversary cruise along with the owner of the cruise line.

In his book, Conor, reeling from a break-up, set as a goal to visit every national park (but not monument, trail, or site) over the course of one year. This book has fascinating details about each park he visited, but should not be mistaken for a travel guide; it’s clearly a deeply personal memoir of a geek searching for direction in his life. By all accounts, he found it: he convinced CBS to pay for his travels, and was rewarded with a deeply reflective experience and additional travel assignments. As I said, we met him the following year in the Galápagos, where he was working… I had to use more than half of my vacation time for that trip.

Despite being deeply personal, Leave Only Footprints is a light read with plenty of funny moments. From the way it’s written, I suspect Efrain rolled his eyes when he asked if the photos Conor requested with the Denali puppies were for Tinder. You’ll have to read it yourself to find out what the “nerdiest” thing Conor said when comparing national parks to dating. And I recommend not making a drinking game out of finding the geeky references that are thrown in, you’d probably stumble to bed before finishing the book.

Now the question… which national park should I visit next, and which ones should I add to my bucket list?

What made you happy today?

That seems like a simple question, doesn’t it? But when you’re busy, especially when you’re stressed, will you remember the good things as well as the bad? Or, as you look back on your life, do the embarrassing moments stand out to the point where you forget that you had good times as well? Memory is a fickle thing.

I don’t recall who saw me start awake when I was in the children’s choir, seated only a couple people away from the priest and realizing immediately that everybody else was standing again. I know somebody in the pews noticed, though not, perhaps, my parents. That’s not something that I would have written down in a Happiness Journal. (Though as a parent, I totally would… different perspective, obviously.)

I would write down that Zuko sat himself down on the treadmill last week, just as I was preparing to walk on it. I turned it on, at the lowest settings, carefully stepped over him, then watched his bewildered face as he slid further back, finally moving off it just before he reached the end.

I might not write down that I made pizza again, though I do quite like the recipe we use. But finding out that my homemade pizza always makes someone else’s Happiness Journal is worth remembering.

You can buy a Happiness Journal if you want something structured, but you can just make your own by grabbing the nearest blank notebook or journal, or go digital and start a Google Docs file for it. As a bonus, you can add photos to it when relevant in either format. (I use a Sprocket printer to add photo stickers to various paper journals.)

Even if you don’t write it down, try stopping at the end of the day and asking yourself what made you happy. And if nothing jumps out, well, you’re still awake and have the opportunity to hug a cat, eat a piece of chocolate, or another option that works for you. I’m going to step outside and see if any more daffodils have flowered.

Two amazing stories, two entirely different media

The Paramount Theatre in Aurora recently launched their Bold series at the renovated Copley Theatre, located across the street from the Paramount. They kicked off the series with Sweat, a Pulitzer Prize-winning play about a small town in the United States where most people’s goal is to work in the local plant and get their union card. The story moves through the characters’ dreams and struggles, working up to the event that landed two young men in prison and interactions with their parole officer upon their release. This is live theatre at its finest, in a small enough venue that every member of the audience feels a connection to the performers on stage. It packs a punch though, leading to conversations about unions, privilege, and the poor decisions people make out of desperation.

A week later, in an entirely different presentation style, I watched a 15-minute story called The Key on my Oculus. Virtual reality is definitely one step up the immersive ladder from a small theatre, and the story is designed with some interactive points. There’s not a lot I can say without spoilers, but the presentation and story were both riveting. The narrator leads you through their dreams and their struggle to remember the meaning of key objects in them. The story is available for free on the Oculus, or you can watch the story in a less immersive format on YouTube.

Both stories hit hard, each in their own distinctive way, and both are absolutely worth the time.

Thoughts on The Eight Mile Suspended Carnival

It feels like I just read The Eight Mile Suspended Carnival by Rebecca Kuder, but according to my notes, but according to my notes, I read it last summer. Isn’t it amazing how time flies by? Regardless, this was a delightful read. This review was originally published in the September 15, 2021 issue of Booklist.

At the opening of Rebecca Kuder’s The Eight Mile Suspended Carnival, an injured and amnesiac young woman is found after a tornado sweeps through the area. Mim is immediately adopted and named by the carnival’s curious inhabitants. She discovers a paranormal element to the carnival, between odd creatures and a fortune teller who can actually see people’s futures, and finds that she experiences people’s memories as they’re remembering them. Mim’s adventure in mental, emotional, and sexual self-discovery, along with her special ability, sets her squarely between the carnival boss and a man working at the “death pill factory” – the carnies’ term for the weapons factory across the river. There is a hidden depth to each character, experienced as Mim delves into their memories, providing more than is usually available from a single character’s perspective. The surprising plot twists are accented by vividly descriptive, whimsical writing, where everything from the people to the carnival’s strange animals and even the inanimate objects have memories and feelings, all seen through Mim’s exploratory and introspective gaze. This is a fabulously creative story with just a touch of the paranormal that keeps readers guessing as to where it’s going.

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) can affect your health

I recently had lunch with one of my favorite people and she told me about a TED talk titled “How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime,” available on YouTube. I’m not sure I’ve ever watched a TED talk before; I generally prefer to read information. But after our lunch, I asked her to send me the link so I could watch it. The doctor presenting delves into how exposure to adversity affects the developing brains of children, and her colleague’s discovery of a study on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).

In the study conducted, they found “that 67% of population had at least 1 ACE, and 12.6% (1 in 8) had 4 or more”. They also noticed a correlation between ACEs and several common medical conditions, regardless of whether people engaged in behavior that’s commonly believed to cause some of those diseases. There’s science that I won’t even try to explain – that’s why the TED talk is presented by a doctor, not an IT person.

A couple weeks later, I stumbled onto a similar discussion on Twitter, including a link to this ACE quiz. By both accounts, this is something doctors should be taking into account as they diagnose and treat patients.

My primary thought beyond the effect these experiences have on people in my age group is that, knowing this, it’s now the responsibility of the older generations to do everything possible to reduce the ACE scores of the next generations. We have an obligation to make the world a better place for our descendants.