Adulting – Mom's Guide to the Galaxy

A stroll down memory lane

Cover of spiralbound journal titled "Mom Share Your Life with Me: A Daily Journal of Childhood Memories"

‘Well, that’s a cute idea,’ I thought, when I spotted journals for childhood memories labelled for parents and grandparents. It’s not the first time I’ve bought something like this; I gave my father something along these lines a couple years before he passed away. I don’t believe he used it, so it’s my mother’s to fill in now. This is, however, the first time I considered buying one for myself as we were picking up two Grandma ones (same questions!) to share.

A page of the Childhood Memories journal with 4 questions (in 3 sections): What were your Halloween traditions as a child? What were your Halloween traditions when you were too old to trick or treat? Do you have one especially memorable Halloween to tell about? What was your best costume ever?

Since I bought it in September, it made sense to start at that date, rather than filling in from the beginning. Oops, I cropped the dates out when I took the photo… rest assured, the questions about Halloween are around that date, not back in January. I’ve taken to reading a question ahead, then setting the journal down to think about it for a while before answering. The questions for September are largely about school, all the way from elementary to high school, and I’ve found myself thinking about things that while not forgotten, are rarely reflected on in my current life. Oddly, it has a bit of a calming effect in what has been a chaotic year of home improvement, convention planning (huh… apparently I haven’t written about co-chairing next year’s Capricon yet), and changes at work.

Whether you find a pre-printed book, one of those online options that provide a prompt every day, or just a blank journal, consider writing down your memories to share with your family. Our lives have changed so much with the advent of household technology that our reflections on the past will be a window into how life has changed.

Sharing a friend’s podcast

In the interest of full disclosure, podcasts aren’t really my thing. I prefer to read material rather than listen to it. But when someone you’ve known for two-thirds of your life starts a podcast – with the bonus of it being an interesting subject – you listen to it.

It’s still early, two episodes in, so hop on over and listen to my friend Lya’s Memoirs of a Neurodivergent Latina. If nothing else, it’s a good reminder that there are many different paths for our brains… the way I think through things is probably not the way you do.

If you’re as excited about those two episodes as I am, check out her Patreon as well.

Taking the week off…

Picture Kermit the Frog flailing his arms wildly about. That’s how my week has felt, between work (somehow more hectic with Monday having been a holiday), medical appointments (physical therapy sessions for osteoarthritis in both knees), and trying to pick all these tomatoes (two for the bowl, one for the mouth…) before they go bad.

A large strainer filled with bite-sized tomatoes, a good selection of yellow and red.

So I’m taking the week off, at least in terms of meaningful content. I need to blend the tomato soup now. (Quick recipe: 2 cups of bite-sized tomatoes, 1/2 a sauteed large onion, 2 small sweet peppers, a handful of thyme, single sage leaf, some minced garlic, a sprinkle of salt and pepper, and a handful of cashews, left in the slow cooker all day with a carton of vegetable broth.)

My Thoughts on Politics

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I’m following the upcoming United States presidential election with great interest. I commented on the Republican candidate during the last election cycle, which thankfully he lost. That said, poetry is not my usual medium, so it was a bit of a surprise Saturday morning when this got stuck in my brain and insisted on being written.

The energy is good, the message is better:
we must save our democracy together. 
Talk to your neighbor, talk to your friends, 
let it not be how this government ends. 

We will not go quietly into the night
while those men, mostly white, cancel our rights.
Forty-some years of these trickle-down tricks
have made the rich even richer and the middle class sick.

When the middle class struggles, the country does too.
Watch your officials, see what they do.
If they try to divide us with a message of hate - 
stop and think, how does that really make America great?  

Do they want you to vote or want you to hide?
Are you too different from them, so not on their side?
Or do they truly believe that each voice should matter?
I can’t choose the former, thus I must choose the latter. 

Every person that chooses to call the United States “mine”
must now make a choice, they must draw that line.
If you value each person for their friendly face,
regardless of religion, gender, or race,
Harris and Walz are the choice you must make,
for your brother, your sister, for everyone’s sake.

This was followed by posting a recording of it to TikTok on Sunday.

Check your voter registration, check your early voting dates (where applicable), and research the candidates before our November 5th deadline. While this poem is specifically about the presidential race, your local races are equally, if not more, important.

The siding nightmare is over (I hope).

You may recall earlier in the year when I posted about getting new siding and how great it looked. A couple weeks after the installation, I noticed a section of siding sticking out along the south side of the house. When calling it to the attention of our sales rep, I noticed a small section near the shed that appeared loose. It got worse from there… specifically the day a piece of siding flew off the wall.

The original siding gap that I spotted. It pushed back into place easily, then blew loose any time the wind picked up.
A loose spot of siding near a window – the piece meant to hold it in place was cut shorter than needed, and the siding was cut short, so they tried a patch job with a smaller piece and some caulk.
The small piece of siding that had been caulked on fell off, making the dried caulk visible.
A loose piece of siding just north of the bay window… this is the piece that ended up flying off later.
The same piece of siding as the previous photo a day or two later, now looser, clearing sagging and taking the piece below with it.
A loose piece of siding under the front window.
The top panel of siding is down by the air conditioner instead of attached to the wall.
A loose piece of top siding by the kitchen sink window.
The previously caulked piece theoretically fixed – the piece above it now the appropriate length – but loosens with the wind.
This bottom section by the gas meter looked a little loose… it was. (Spare pieces left from the first repair guy’s siding bundle are stored along the ground.)
A loose section of siding under the bay window.
After a second failed inspection and the third set of fixes (a team this time), I walked around pulling at different sections and found three bottom sections that were clearly loose. This is one of them.
A bottom piece of siding being pulled away from the wall easily by my hand. This is one of the sections I found after three repair crews and two inspections.

It took about 6 weeks from identifying the first issue to getting someone here to fix the problems I had identified, and he wasn’t given the appropriate supplies (additional siding pieces) to do the repairs, so he had to return the next day. (He, yes, singular person sent to repair what a team of people got wrong.) The day after his repairs, the county inspector failed the siding and fascia work for assorted loose pieces that would be a problem. A week later one of the pieces that was theoretically fixed removed itself from the back wall, and it took another week to get a guy out here to fix that and other identified issues, including the ones the inspector noted on his first pass. A couple days later, I noticed that small square near the window appeared loose again, but my sales rep didn’t respond to that text or the one the next week letting him know that the siding work had failed a second inspection.

Conveniently, just under a week later, the company’s office reached out to my insurance for a copy of the approved estimate, and the Claims Adjuster copied me on the reply. I took that opportunity to reply to my insurance and the construction company asking if this was related to the failed re-inspection. And while I received no reply to that message, I did receive a “please leave us a review” e-mail which appears to trigger any time their office receives an e-mail. (I’m fairly sure I’ve gotten one each time I responded to Customer Service.) This e-mail includes buttons to review them on Google, Facebook, or the Better Business Bureau if you’re happy, and a button to contact them directly if you’re not.

I actually had a response from them within the hour and a team (two people!) out here the next day. They fixed – from what I can tell, properly – the issues I had identified. And while it looked good, given the problems so far, I went around and started poking at areas I hadn’t yet and checking everything I could think of, which unfortunately turned up three more sections of siding that were loose at the bottom. My understanding (all new from this year) is that this style of siding is assembled bottom to top, so if the bottom isn’t on right, they have to strip the entire section and reset it.

In addition to how unresponsive the company became until I started interacting with their Customer Service team, there were definitely attempts to shift the blame away from the company. When discussing it with the sales rep this week – he stopped by for the final payment – I was told that because the house is old the studs weren’t where they expected them to be (stud finder, anyone?), and then that they hire the crews without knowing what work they’ve done previously (huh?!?).

As a result, I have both removed the company name from my previous post about my new roof, and removed the Yelp review they had solicited (before I knew about the problems). This is my equivalent of being nice, since they have repaired the problems at this point. That said, if you ask me privately, I will let you know what company not to hire.

What a whirlwind week!

Last Friday, we attended C2E2 for the first time as volunteers for the Science Fiction Outreach Project, which gives away free books (mostly science fiction and fantasy) to promote literacy. Given limited time and the size of the exhibit hall, we took a focused approach of visiting just the Writers’ Block and Artist Alley (13 rows!), looking for people who may be interested in space in next year’s dealers hall at Capricon. We hit Chicago traffic coming & going, which is always not fun, though ultimately worth it for attending the event.

Chocolate cake with red roses and the phrase "The Cake Is A Lie" in icing.

On Saturday, we drove a different direction, hosting MarindaCon at a forest preserve to celebrate our dearly departed friend. We gathered with assorted friends – including people who drove from Michigan and Wisconsin as day trips, and some who joined via Zoom – for geeky conversations and a delicious cake (as well as other food). It turned out to be a beautiful day, except for the occasional gust of wind that moved some food and drinks around.

And then, before the crack of dawn on Sunday, I drove through a rainstorm to the airport’s remote parking garage and flew to Washington, DC, for a work-related conference. I took the opportunity to meet up with my cousin and his partner for lunch and some wandering along the National Mall in what was at that point the hottest day of the year. (The next day may have been warmer, but I didn’t make it outside until a late dinner time.) The sheer quantity of food trucks selling ice cream was amazing.

Had I realized that my conference days were 10-11 hour days, I might have taken the time for a nap after our wanderings. As it happens, I’ll be spending the next couple of days trying to catch up on sleep.

Let’s talk about perimenopause.

Growing up, most girls will learn about menstruation either from their parents (usually their mother) or their school system. That presentation can be at varying levels of enthusiasm based on cultural significance, among other things, such as the outdated “you’re a woman now!” concept. Bleh.

But nobody in my age group seems to have gotten the perimenopause talk. Part of that may be because of social norms that discouraged talking about menstruation, even more so for older women, and some because our mothers may not have reached that stage at the point when they were sharing the menstruation talk. All of this came to mind when I saw this BBC article about menopause today… older women are quitting their jobs because the system isn’t set up to support the changes we’re going through. The lady featured in this article said “She suffered with night sweats, heart palpitations and migraines that left her feeling weak and lethargic.” She quit because her management didn’t provide the necessary support to deal with those changes.

Like other people I know, perimenopause brought irregular periods – sometimes more frequent, sometimes less, usually heavier that before – which makes preparing for them difficult. When I still worked in an office, I gave up on planning and always carried supplies with me. Hot flashes led to clearing out any turtlenecks in my closet; I was too warm wearing them and the higher neckline made my throat feel constrained. There was a period when my breathe would catch at random intervals; while I received a prescription to deal with it, the doctor didn’t actually mention that it was common during perimenopause.

As to night sweats, well, it’s hard to tell whether that’s hormonal when multiple cats are sleeping on the bed. It’s probably a mix.

Laughing at the spam

Spam has become pervasive for those of us with an online presence. Unlike my friend John, I’ve never tried making haikus from it, though I do have to laugh at how wildly untargeted some of the spam is. In this particular case, I’m focusing on comments posted to my blog – none of which you see because I have always had the comments set to moderated. I thought I’d break down some of them for educational and entertainment value.

Allegedly from a Gmail account, consistent enough to sign with the same name as the account (while not someone I know): “It’s been a while, but I just read an article online about momsguidetothegalaxy.com and thought it was important to message you guys to disprove this article. It seems like there’s some unfavorable news that could be detrimental.” This includes a shortened link, so the goal is for me to click through to their site. Interestingly, this and most of the recent spam are in response to an August post about Wordle and related games.

Is that Russian? “Ещё можно узнать:” Google Translate says yes. Most of that comment was links, the preview hover on them shows multiple websites that I also can’t read.

Dental hygiene relates to Wordle… how? “If you’re dealing with bleeding gums, tooth decay and sewage breath… And if the thought of eventually losing your teeth does not let you sleep at night… You need to know this.” Link is to a video I’m fairly certain I do not want to watch. There are a couple like this, with different openings.

OK, I kind of like this one: “mukRgDKpG” This reminds me of losing a credit card in college, which someone tested by buying a dollar of gasoline, cluing the bank into the loss. Presumably if this comment was allowed, more spammy comments would appear from the same source soon.

Search Engine Optimization (SEO), podcasts to boost my audience, foot/nail fungus (ewww) miracle cures… it’s like there’s no limit to the subjects spammers will try.

Oh, excuse me, I must go reply to “You got 55 646 USD. Gо tо withdrаwаl => [plus URL]”… yes, that’s what they entered as their name. I’m so sure it’s legitimate that my eyes are rolling like dice.

Anyways, the lesson here is that spam is prolific and if you don’t know the person, don’t click on the link they sent you.

Some off-hand remarks

As I mentioned last week, I had surgery on my dominant hand. As you can imagine, that has made for an interesting few days, especially the first couple when my hand and forearm were bandaged.

I have for years been misusing the term “ambidextrous“. I’m not actually ambidextrous; I’m mi x ed-handed. This became an important distinction when one of my hands was temporarily out of commission. Ambidexterity is the ability to use both hands equally, which I definitely cannot do. I write and hold a fork left-handed, but crochet and hold a sword right-handed. Holding a fork right-handed, just for those first couple days of healing, felt unnatural, while crocheting left-handed seems awkward. Finger foods are fine on either side though. (Washing dishes one-handed was interesting too!)

Give it a try if you’re curious… stop and think about the item you’re about to use and see how it feels in your other hand.

Hand surgery: before & after

First of all, no before photo in this post… I couldn’t capture the bump on the back of my left hand well for a before photo. The after photo is completely bandaged, so nothing gruesome.

Before

Back in October, before I went to Montreal, my hand started hurting… just a little… and I noticed a bump just before the wrist. It disappeared during that trip, then returned in full force after Dorkstock, to the point where I headed to Urgent Care (5 minutes away) right after work one day. They quickly diagnosed it as a ganglion cyst and referred me to Orthopedics.

“But Frances,” I can almost hear you say, “that was 4 months ago. Why are you just having surgery now?”

The answer is there’s a process to follow before surgery. First we tried anti-inflammatory medication, and when that didn’t eliminate the cyst (though it did reduce the pain), the doctor drained it. Well, tried to… the cyst wasn’t particularly cooperative with the initial needle or the larger one she used next, as neither one managed to puncture the cyst to remove content. Despite that, the bump and related pain lessened for a bit, and she instructed me to give it about 6 weeks and reach out to a colleague who specializes in hands and wrists if it returned. I scheduled that appointment immediately after Capricon, had a 5 -minute appointment with the doctor to confirm that I wanted to move forward with surgery, and scheduled it for the next available date, which was a month out at the time.

The day before, the office called to give me a specific appointment time mid-afternoon, and reviewed the things I should avoid going into that day: alcohol, lotions, jewelry are the primary ones that come to mind. Arrival time was an hour before surgery time.

Once there, it was a lot of waiting time. Wait to check in, wait briefly in the waiting room, then wait for most of an hour in my pre-op room until the doctor came by to inject something numbing into my hand. Once that had time to settle, I took a luxurious wheelchair ride to the operating room, where the view of my hand was completely blocked by a draped sheet. I could feel poking and prodding happening, but no pain, and then my hand was bandaged up.

After

After the procedure, I was wheeled back to my pre-op room, offered a snack, and told I could change back into my clothes once I was sure I was stable. At that point, my fingertips weren’t numb anymore, but the rest of my hand still was, including the knuckles and base of my fingers. It’s a weird sensation that lasted for hours; that area was still numb when I went to bed several hours later – and partially numb in the middle of the night.

By early morning, none of that numbness remained, though any pain is mostly limited to movement. Part of my release instructions are to move my fingers frequently, so I’ve experimented with different movements to see what’s comfortable. For example, typing sitting down is a bad angle for my wrist, but standing up seems to be OK. I’m also applying ice packs regularly and found a position at my work desk for keeping that hand elevated most of the time (including with an ice pack). The bandages stayed on for two days (coming off just before this post is live), and I have a follow-up appointment in just over a week to make sure it’s healing well.

In terms of other restrictions, well, the doctor said to listen to the hand… if something hurts, I’m probably not ready to do it yet.