Thoughts on Razor Girl

Don’t ask about the mystery meat…

To quote Guardians of the Galaxy, “What a bunch of A-holes.”

I normally read science fiction and fantasy, with the occasional historical fiction thrown in for fun, which explains how I had never read a Carl Hiaasen book before Razor Girl.  The book was handed to me by a friend after our flight from Guayaquil, and I’ve never been one to pass on a free book, especially since I had given away my just-finished reading material to another friend before the flight. Razor_Girl_cover

The depth of Hiaasen’s characters is impressive.  People who appear for only a page or two have quirky details thrown in with their introduction, making them oddly memorable.  Somehow, every character has quirks that makes them less likeable, though an active dislike builds up for the primary characters over chapters of interaction, rather than immediately.

The main character, (Food) Inspector Andrew Yancy, has a collection of character flaws that make you wonder how he was ever a cop (even in the Florida Keys), must less still not in jail.  That said, he is one of few characters that you may grow to like; at his core, he has good intentions.  He unwittingly ends up working with Merry, a con woman who decides he needs her help.  (She’s right.)  They wind their way through a missing person’s case, with some clues provided by Yancy’s day job… yes, somebody really clipped their beard into a vat of quinoa with the restaurant’s best kitchen shears.  Don’t ask about the mystery meat at that other restaurant.

In short, if you want to read about a wretched hive of scum and villainy with fantastic plot twists, this book is for you.

Cruising the Galápagos

Our Galápagos cruise was on the Lindblad National Geographic Endeavour II.  That’s a mouthful, we just called it the Endeavour once we were on board.  We flew into Guayaquil, Ecuador the day before embarking, arriving late enough that we only stopped to eat dinner before going to bed.  We were met at the airport by Lindblad staff who happily ferried our luggage to the hotel and presented us with a rundown of the next morning’s activities: early morning wake-up, luggage outside the door 15 minutes later, and a buffet breakfast before dashing off to the airport for our flight to Baltra for embarkation.Galápagos images: Welcome to the Galápagos, marine iguana, Sally Lightfoot crab, blue-footed boobies, sea lions, sunset

After our short flight, we walked out of the back of the plane (or front, depending where you were seated), queued up for immigration and a bag check, then waited with snacks and shopping in the VIP lounge while the rest of the cruise-goers made their way through the lines.  We then loaded into buses to the dock so we could put on life vests to ride the Zodiacs to the ship.  Our luggage, tagged with our cabin numbers, would follow separately.

After a brief view of the cabin and introduction to our housekeeper for the week (Kelly), we mustered in the lounge for crew introductions and emergency procedures.  Oh, and more snacks, then lunch in the dining room soon afterwards.  Somewhere in there, I found time to unpack before our first wet landing of the week, where I followed our naturalist, Jason’s, example and walked barefoot for our mostly sandy nature walk.

After that, most of the week is a blur.  I spent a restless first night on the boat arguing with something that didn’t agree with my stomach, missed a nature walk and the first snorkeling opportunity then next day, then rejoined the activities for a late afternoon walk.  Over the next few days, we were taught about plants and wildlife in the Galápagos, with many up close and personal encounters.  The basic guideline is to stay six feet away from the animals, which most people attempted to do.  The animals, who are unfortunately illiterate, followed no such rule, which certainly made for better photos.

Most days followed a similar route: breakfast, morning excursion choices (usually splitting into shorter wildlife walks and longer, more scenic ones), lunch on the ship and an education talk (photography, geology, and Charles Darwin were among topics covered) while the ship moved to another location, afternoon excursion choices that frequently involved being in the water, then a daily recap and the next day’s plan before dinner.  Among the options we tried were jumping off the back of the boat (into 65 degree water!  BRRR!), stand-up paddle boarding, kayaking (not recommended right after paddle boarding, uses too many of the same muscles), and deep water snorkeling, in addition to many scenic walks across sand, lava, and uphill both ways in one case.

Over the course of the week, we ended up on at least one excursion with each naturalist.  It didn’t really matter, they were all awesome, but they each brought a slightly different perspective and unique stories to the adventure.  When we visited the Darwin Research Center and learned about Lonesome George, we happened to be with Socrates, a naturalist who has helped out at the center for years.  The next day, we saw a giant centipede and heard from Christian how he was bitten by one as a child.

We spent a day in Santa Cruz, visiting the Darwin Research Center and shopping in Puerto Ayora before visiting the Tomás de Berlanga School, which is supported by the cruise line, while another group visited a coffee and sugar plantation.  We reconvened at a local restaurant for a delicious lunch, then drove to a farm that lets Galápagos tortoises wander freely.  As it turns out, they’re fond of guavas, which grow at the farm and are allowed to fall freely for the creatures.  After a bit more shopping, we carefully avoided the sea lions wandering the docks and found our Zodiac back to the ship.

That was the second night we were delighted by live music on board.  The night before was a performance by crew members, including the captain (making for a stellar line in La Bamba… “yo no soy marinero, soy capitán”).  A local music group came on board with a dance group with assorted instruments, keeping us entertained – and dancing for some of it – for quite a while.

By the time we disembarked on Saturday morning, we were wiped out, yet sad to leave.  We flew back to Guayaquil, where Cassandra and I ignored the city tour option in favor of the heated pool and a pair of coconuts with straws, followed by a stroll through the hotel in search of a chocolate shop.  An early dinner followed, anticipating the 2:30am wake-up for our flights returning us to reality.

Reality Doses

The trip of a lifetime was surrounded by heavy doses of reality.

Eighteen months ago, my mother called me on my birthday and asked if Cassandra and I wanted to cruise the Galápagos with her.  It was such a tough sell, we probably deliberated for all of five minutes.

Planning ensued… should we go with the known company, that Mom had cruised with before, or look into others?  Book through her travel agency or directly through the cruise line?  We opted out of any pre- or post- extensions due to my limited vacation time.

There were hiccups.  We booked over a year ahead, which meant we couldn’t buy plane tickets at the same time.  My mother wanted to arrive a day earlier than us, which meant booking an extra hotel night.   The travel agent retired, leaving someone else at the agency scrambling to find us airfare as the trip approached.  My mother, who’s fairly close to technologically illiterate, would leave me a voicemail with another question for the travel agent, then drop off the grid for a few days or a month on another trip.  Then suddenly the school year was almost over and I was rushing to buy whatever Cassandra had outgrown from the packing list, and checking to see what I was missing.

The day before our trip arrived and we were just about packed and ready to go.  I woke up and prepared for work like normal, then took a few minutes to water the vegetable garden.  As I walked back in, I pulled a few weeds out (it’s a compulsive habit), so I stopped to wash my hands at the kitchen sink before preparing breakfast.

Nothing came out.

I stepped into the garage and could hear some water running, presumably the last trickles the pump had pulled from my well before the corroded pipe (many feet down) had burst.  By the end of the day, I had new pipes and a new pump going to my well. Reality doses - corroded pipe and dirty, leaking tubing

The trip of a lifetime deserves its own post; that will follow soon.  Having returned from an outstanding ten-day trip, I returned to work the next day and Cassandra wandered off to her Dad’s for a week of relaxation.

Friday morning, I stepped into the garage – which is rapidly becoming a sign of bad news – and noticed water dripping from a tube into a drain.  It was small, but I was sure it hadn’t been dripping like that before.

As it turns out, fixing my well resulted in increased water pressure; the corroded pipe must have been leaking for some time, but not so much that the pressure had seemed low when I bought the house.  Increased water pressure caused a minuscule hole to expand.  By Saturday afternoon, it became apparent that plumbing Band-Aids were not going to cut it; the tubing was split right at the joint.  I alternated between full pressure with the drain filling up, and turning the pump off while I used up the wall tank of water for the duration of the weekend.  I was positively ecstatic on Monday when the plumber announced it was an easy fix.

And that’s how reality reared its ugly head on both sides of my vacation.